If you’ve followed the sports news cycle, especially as it’s reported by a certain NFL-manic sports cable channel out of Bristol, you know that you can turn on the TV at most any hour and expect to see a Johnny Manziel story.
Johnny Football’s ability to make headlines is now only rivaled in the sports realm by pal LeBron James and Tiger Woods. The difference, though, is that those two have actually done something recently to merit the coverage. Johnny, a back-up quarterback in Cleveland who according to the company line isn’t going to play this year, does nothing, or does something, or is rumored to have done something and that’s all that necessary for a story and a sensational headline.
In that regard, his career has already reached Tebow-esque proportions without him even haven taken a snap in the NFL. On that note, it really wouldn’t surprise me if a headline appeared that read, “Tebow With More Career NFL Completions Than Manziel; Bad Omen?” Ok, that might be one for the Onion, but the headlines about Manziel these days aren’t far from being that absurd.
Since we’ve got a whole entire month left before NFL training camp, I thought I’d throw a few absurd fake headlines you might see between now and then that aren’t that far from being plausible.
The gist of these is that the kid can’t win. I don’t completely get it, but that’s the media vibe of Manziel Mania so much so that he finally had to retort, “I really don’t think I’ve done anything wrong” to the latest most ridiculous scrap of news that appeared virtually out of thin air.
So in that spirit, and David Letterman style, I offer the top 10 headlines about Johnny Manziel that actually have half a chance of appearing in print.
10. Manziel Eats Donut Hole; What Does He Have Against Full-Sized Pastries?
9. Manziel Visits Rock ‘N Roll Hall of Fame; Country Music Industry Asks What It Ever Did to Him
8. Manziel Spotted Sitting Between Weight Lifting Reps; Work Ethic Called Into Question
7. Manziel 5 Seconds Late for Team Meeting; Has He Already Lost a Step?
6. ‘Hangover 4’: Manziel Drinks a Beer on 4th of July
5. Bottle Caps in Bottle Cap Alley Dusted for Manziel Fingerprints
4. Manziel Looks at Playing Field; Obviously Still Eyes Starting Job
3. Manziel Gets a Dog; Will Cat People Cancel Season Tickets?
2. Manziel Scolds Dog for Bad Behavior; Johnny Hypocrite?
1. LeBron Not Returning to Cleveland; Manziel to Blame
Enjoy your summer, Johnny. Or least try to.