I meant to time this to the next time the Golf Channel runs a “Tin Cup” marathon, as it periodically does, but the approaching U.S. Open as timing seems just as good a reason.
Besides being the most anticipated tournaments of the year, the majors are just a great time in general to celebrate golf. That said, I’d to like to pay tribute to my favorite scene in the greatest golf movie of all time, “Tin Cup,” which we all know culminated in Roy McAvoy playing in the fictional U.S. Open.
I’ve watched golfers quote this movie, and even sing the songs, verbatim, showing how ingrained into the golf souls of people who love the game “Tin Cup” has become since it was made 1996 with, legend has it, input from Gary McCord, among others.
I’ve never tried it, but I’m sure a debate about a favorite scene in this movie could rage on for hours in the right crowd, and why wouldn’t it? Save from the romantic comedy scenes, what golf scene in this film isn’t iconic and, many times, relatable?
Roy getting the shanks on the range? Tin Cup: “Romes (his caddy), something’s terribly wrong!” What golfer can’t relate to the hopelessness of that? Or Romeo’s diagnosis: “The shanks are like a virus. They just show up.”
There’s the scene of Roy hitting the shot as David Simms’ caddie. There’s Roy knocking the pelican off the post after a bar bet. There’s Simms’ cunning bouncing of his 7-shot down the road to win a bet with Roy. And then there’s the culminating scene where Roy holes out to take a 12 on No. 18 at the Open after refusing to lay up – again.
But out of all that, if you’re telling me I only get one scene to take with me to a desert island to watch ‘til infinity, it’s the 7-iron scene.
The 7-iron scene is where Roy blows up on the course in his first Open qualifier in a dispute with his caddie, Romeo (Cheech Marin), about laying up on a par-5. We all know what happens next: Following Romeo’s lead, Roy breaks all the clubs in his bag – except his beloved and trusted 7-iron.
I believe the dialogue that follows to be the closest thing we have to golf poetry in that it speaks to the misgivings we’ve each had at one point or another about every club in our bag, and our unshakable faith in our 7-iron. You know it’s a day gone wrong on the course when your 7-iron betrays you.
In fact, a trust hierarchy of clubs probably starts 7-iron/putter/wedge … and ends somewhere with your long irons and possibly your driver, depending on how it’s going on the time.
Anyway, besides the sheer comedy and absurdity of the scene (it’s a bit like when Gene Hackman chose to play with four in “Hoosiers), I believe it’s the innate and universal truth about golf clubs that comes out amidst Roy’s rage that I find so endearing about this scene.
So for your amusement, appreciation and study (if you’ve never bothered to slow it down and catch every word) here’s my translation of the 7-iron speech.
To set the scene, Romeo (R in the screen play) and Roy (TC) are standing over Roy’s second shot on par-5, dogleg left. Roy wants to go for the green in two (“I’m going to go over those trees, with a little draw.”) while Romeo is preaching caution (“You don’t need the course record to qualify. You need to practice playing it safe.”)
And thus a golf feud for the ages plays out …
TC: Qualify? I want the course record. Now give me the lumber.
R: You’re not going to listen to me, are you?
TC: Now give me the driver and shut up.
R: You want the driver? (Snaps it over his leg.) Hit the driver, Tin Cup.
TC: I changed my mind. Give me the 3-wood.
R: You can’t clear that dogleg with a 3-wood.
TC: Want to bet?
R: Fine, take the 3-wood. (Breaks it and throws it.)
TC: (To the gallery) Guess I’m going with the safe shot, boys. (Takes the 2-iron from the bag.)
TC: But you know, sometimes I fan that 2. (Snaps it over his leg.)
TC: You better give me the 3. (Romeo hands him the 3-iron.)
TC: And sometimes I catch that 3 a little thin, too. (Snaps it and throws it on the ground.)
TC: I’ve hit fliers with the 4. (Snap.)
R: (Softly implores while looking ashen) Hit the ball, Roy.
TC: I’ve hooked my 5. (Snap.)
TC: I’ve shanked my 6. (Snap.)
TC: I’ve skulled the 8. (Steps on it. Snap.)
TC: I’ve fatted the 9. (Snap.)
TC: I’ve chili-dipped the wedge. (Snap.)
TC: I’ve bladed the sand. (Snap.)
R: Putter? (Handing him the putter.)
TC: Yeah, there is Mr. Three Wiggle, isn’t there? (Snap.)
(Roy grabs the 7-iron with Romeo looking on in disgust.)
TC: Then there’s the 7-iron. I never miss with the 7-iron. (Kicking club debris aside.)
“It’s the only truly safe club in my bag.”
Before Roy can hit, Romeo walks off the course, shouting in exasperation, “What the hell’s wrong with you?!?”
The classic extension of Roy’s rant is that, before hitting the shot, he challenges the gallery: “Anybody want to bet me I can’t par in with a 7-iron?”
Of course, none of Roy’s supporters takes the bet, and Roy proceeds to qualify by playing out with just his 7-iron.
Anyway, most of the scenes in “Tin Cup” will stop me and pull me in when I find this movie at random, but especially the 7-iron scene. For all the reasons listed above, I believe it’s the greatest golf scene ever written not involving a fight with Bob Barker – which is for another blog post entirely.;)